Red to the White to the Blue.

** Did a little math yesterday - with the amazing kindness of Barton Press Inc., JWT and all that helped me as well as those that donated over the years - my little book has raised over $28,000 for the UFA Widow's and Children's Fund. That's pretty awesome. **

What I Kept.

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Dan Barry in The New York Times asked the question, "What did you keep?". Some kept the 'dust', others nametags and paperwork. I have a bin of items I stored away during the months after 9/11 - symbols to a very surreal time. I remember being dumbfounded by how many items mentioned they were supporting the relief efforts, the littlest items - soy sauce, wet naps, grocery bags in Detroit - they all found their way into my bin, deep in the closet for the last 10 years. If it wasn't for the article I may not have opened it up. I meant to photograph them weeks ago and send them off to the NYTimes but time got away from me. So here they are, my strange surreal relics of 9/11.

– click here to view on new page –

here we go...


I just stepped outside and the lights were on, testing before the actual full run of the Tribute in Lights. It's been 10 years and I'm exhausted by the press, the magazine articles, the photos, everything... it's too much. This weeks New Yorker is 90% tribute to 9/11, an entire issue I cannot read in public because I'll probably be reduced to tears, so my subway ride was 30 minutes of staring blankly or reading nail fungus ads over and over. And now the lights... It made me think of the article in the New York Times this past weekend about memorials, how we pass them and mostly ignore them as they've become commonplace in our society, in particular one memorial I walk by every day, The Prison Ships Monument in Ft. Greene Park. I know why it's there yet I don't think about it every day because I see it every day. Now the lights. They are only on once a year, testing then all night on September 11th. I love the lights but I wonder if we have to do this every year. At what point can we not bring up such emotions? I personally still carry the full memory, the feelings, the emotions, the visual so close that I dread the rehashing of the day year after year. At a recent visit to St. Paul's Chapel I barely made it through without having to step outside for air. Goosebumps. Clenched fist. Eyes swelling. I tried to talk but it was best to just step outside. I don't want to become numb to the memory, that's hard pressed, but I would also like to go forward. All these thoughts while Mayor Bloomberg and Police Chief Kelly are on TV warning us of another terror threat on the city, "...go about your day tomorrow as usual...". oh okay. sure.

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Here's a link to my tribute, "What I Had to Do", published in 2002. I have books available if you are interested, still donating 100% to the UFA's Widows and Children's Fund. You can also purchase the book here.

I had hoped this was the year to move on. The year not to participate in the memory and remember that life is life. Easier said then done. We went out, we enjoyed the evening as friends pretending it's any other night. Because it could be. But in NYC you cannot forget, let alone move on. We are all attached and perchance you forgot - just look Up. Remember. I'm not saying we need to forget but it would be wonderful to not have to remember. But we wish that on a lot of memories and no matter how hard you try, no such luck. This is life. This is NYC. This is the memory of a beautiful day so incredibly similar to today it's made even harder as we try to just live. I biked, I fished on the pier in the sun, and tried to forget. No such luck.

September 2001.





I tried to ignore today. I did. But I cannot. How could I?
It has been 9 years and memories remain vivid.

Here is a link to the book.
100% of the sale of the book is donated to the
UFA Widow’s and Children’s Fund.

The online version is here.
Dang. 9 years.

I never know exactly what to do with myself on 9/11. I was lost 8 years ago and still feel lost today. The emails come in, friends talk... but I think since we deal with it everyday we live here that when the day arrives we try to just go on with life. After 9/11/01 I busied myself documenting the memorials at all of the firehouses, so each year I find an FDNY event to capture. This year, like the last, I went to Engine 10 Ladder 10 directly across from the WTC. At sunset the FDNY Emerald Society Pipes and Drums come out and play. Always a crowd, always wonderful, always emotional. Then a walk over to the "lights". Tonight in the rain there were beautiful rainbows spiraling depending where you stood. A very different day then eight years ago...



























I do still find it strange how the firehouses turn into tourist stops, do they get a map of the 'big' ones or something??
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David Paterson read this at the memorial today - how perfect:

I DREAM'D in a dream, I saw a city invincible to the
attacks of the whole of the rest of the earth;
I dream'd that was the new City of Friends;
Nothing was greater there than the quality of robust love

- it led the rest;
It was seen every hour in the actions of the men of that city,
And in all their looks and words.
- Walt Whitman (1867)

there are no words...



My memorial from 2001 http://eyemaze.net/FD/pg/FD.htm I am trying to update the site right now, I might be up all night...

update - i did upload this, but not loving it. thoughts?