Red to the White to the Blue.

here we go...


I just stepped outside and the lights were on, testing before the actual full run of the Tribute in Lights. It's been 10 years and I'm exhausted by the press, the magazine articles, the photos, everything... it's too much. This weeks New Yorker is 90% tribute to 9/11, an entire issue I cannot read in public because I'll probably be reduced to tears, so my subway ride was 30 minutes of staring blankly or reading nail fungus ads over and over. And now the lights... It made me think of the article in the New York Times this past weekend about memorials, how we pass them and mostly ignore them as they've become commonplace in our society, in particular one memorial I walk by every day, The Prison Ships Monument in Ft. Greene Park. I know why it's there yet I don't think about it every day because I see it every day. Now the lights. They are only on once a year, testing then all night on September 11th. I love the lights but I wonder if we have to do this every year. At what point can we not bring up such emotions? I personally still carry the full memory, the feelings, the emotions, the visual so close that I dread the rehashing of the day year after year. At a recent visit to St. Paul's Chapel I barely made it through without having to step outside for air. Goosebumps. Clenched fist. Eyes swelling. I tried to talk but it was best to just step outside. I don't want to become numb to the memory, that's hard pressed, but I would also like to go forward. All these thoughts while Mayor Bloomberg and Police Chief Kelly are on TV warning us of another terror threat on the city, "...go about your day tomorrow as usual...". oh okay. sure.

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Here's a link to my tribute, "What I Had to Do", published in 2002. I have books available if you are interested, still donating 100% to the UFA's Widows and Children's Fund. You can also purchase the book here.

I never know exactly what to do with myself on 9/11. I was lost 8 years ago and still feel lost today. The emails come in, friends talk... but I think since we deal with it everyday we live here that when the day arrives we try to just go on with life. After 9/11/01 I busied myself documenting the memorials at all of the firehouses, so each year I find an FDNY event to capture. This year, like the last, I went to Engine 10 Ladder 10 directly across from the WTC. At sunset the FDNY Emerald Society Pipes and Drums come out and play. Always a crowd, always wonderful, always emotional. Then a walk over to the "lights". Tonight in the rain there were beautiful rainbows spiraling depending where you stood. A very different day then eight years ago...



























I do still find it strange how the firehouses turn into tourist stops, do they get a map of the 'big' ones or something??
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David Paterson read this at the memorial today - how perfect:

I DREAM'D in a dream, I saw a city invincible to the
attacks of the whole of the rest of the earth;
I dream'd that was the new City of Friends;
Nothing was greater there than the quality of robust love

- it led the rest;
It was seen every hour in the actions of the men of that city,
And in all their looks and words.
- Walt Whitman (1867)

there are no words...



My memorial from 2001 http://eyemaze.net/FD/pg/FD.htm I am trying to update the site right now, I might be up all night...

update - i did upload this, but not loving it. thoughts?

Bus to Newark